The Road to Independence

Written By mitmik

On October 22, 2019
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This has nothing to do with English learning…

Today, I went to Kamakura for an appointment. The station was really crowded.
At peak tourist season (with a festival taking place on the Kamakura shores,) crowds of people were walking steadily towards a narrow stairwell, BUT  at a snail’s pace!
There were all walks of people around me. Foreign tourists, local (Japanese) tourists, locals (like me, going to a lesson), children, families… everyone was very respectful of one another to make sure that there was no dangerous pushing going down the stairs. It was a bit frustrating, as I was already late for my appointment, but I kept calm and did not try to push ahead. 

約束のため、鎌倉駅を降りましたが、今日は特に混雑していた。観光のピーク時間で、しかも久しぶりの天気だった上、丁度海側でお祭りが行う日だった。観光客や、外国からの観光客、地元の人、カップル、小さい子の家族など、色々なところから集まった人がいましたが、皆さんはゆっくりと、順番にお互いに譲り合って、降りてました。毎回それだけでありがたいと思っていましたが、今回は、私が遅刻気味で特にこのカタツムリのようなスピードに敏感でチョビとイライラしていました。

 

In front of me, near the rail, a small boy of about 3 or 4 was walking slowly down by himself. At first, I was “Hmm. Who is he with…?” Then I immediately saw in front of him, his mother, carrying their second newborn looking ahead, walking step by step with the crowd. The boy was concentrating, being careful of each step. His mother was not looking even glancing behind her to make sure her boy was okay, which surprised me, but there was one tiny gesture that stood out to me.

 

私の左に、レールを小さいでで掴んで慎重に歩いている, 3・4歳くらいの男の子がいました。”一人かな?大丈夫かな?”と母性本能動き出した。よく見ると、彼のすぐ前に赤ん坊を前抱っこして、ぞろぞろ階段を降りている女性がいました。

”ママかな?”と思ったのだが、このお母さんが一度も息子に振り向こうとしていなかったので、”違うかも”と他にママらしい人物を探し始めましたが、下にちらっと見たら、その女性は右手をしかっり後ろに男の子の方にさしのべたまま歩いているのではないか。そうか。

I thought for a second that perhaps she was not his mother and looked around for someone near him who might be lost in the crowd. Then I looked down and saw that the woman in front of him was holding out her hand behind her, right near the boy’s head. The boy wasn’t trying to take her hand. He just seemed to concentrate on his walking, on the stairs, no desperation or hurriedness in his motions to catch up with mom right away. Ahh, I get it.

 男の子は自分の歩いきに夢中でしたし、お母さんの手を繋ごうともしていなかった。急いでも焦ってもいませんでした。なるほど。この人混みの中でも、一人で歩こうとする息子を尊重しつつ、ママが道を作っておいて、「ずっといるよ」って本人がわかるように、本人目線に手をずっと出したまま。

と私は勝手に解釈。

Of course, this was my interpretation, but I felt like this mom was being brilliant in letting him be “independent,” letting him do his thing even in this scary crowd of people. At the same time she was letting him know silently that she was there AT ALL TIMES. He knew she was there. She knew that he knew that she was there. And that was all they needed to get through this simple activity of going down the stairs at a crowded station.

 

もちろん、このお母さんは無意識に息子に自立するため行為かしら?としたら、素晴らしい、と思った。こんなに混んでいる場所で目の前にあえて見張らず、手のジェスチャーで彼女なりのコミュニケーションを取っている。「ちゃんといるよ」と手で伝えている。男の子はママがちゃんといることがわかってる。そして、彼女は彼がわかっていることもわかっている。このシンプルな行為に必要な交流でした。

What a beautiful small (natural) gesture between mom and child going through the process of “growing up” and learning to be on your own. We are alone. And yet there is always something in the wings to help. Heck, ”I” was ready to jump out to help if this boy had a hard time. Moms… I believe most moms want to help guide their kids into independence. At the same time, we are the first to jump out and want to protect them from hurt or danger. It’s not easy to know how to balance the extremes. 

This one mother’s gesture (as interpreted by me) was another sign how parents instinctively know how to let their children “be” while being there on the wings when duty calls. 

とても自然なジェスチャーで、心が動いた。親で一番の思いはちゃんと自立できるようにと願う人が多いと思います。と同時に、守らなきゃ。と言う気持ちがいつも混み上がる。このバランスは本当に微妙です。親の感も働く瞬間なのかな?

P.S. By the way, although I have not raised children in other countries, I can’t imagine this happening in a huge city overseas. Perhaps this is permissible because we are in Japan. Anywhere else, one would be afraid of a child being taken and would be seen as negligence. この行為も日本ならではのことかな、とつくづく思います。残念ながら、他の国ではこのように子供に「任せる」は(いつも見張ってない行動は誘拐の恐れがあり、)無責任と解釈されることもある。

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